Hypnotherapy and
Hypnosis articles
Lack of Confidence
by IAPH therapist Alan Gray of Scarborough Hypnotherapy
One of the most frequent issues that clients consult in hypnotherapy
is lack of confidence. Clearly we all need a certain level of self-confidence
to progress in every aspect of life, from professional and business
performance to personal relationships. A lack of confidence can
severely restrict an individual’s enjoyment of life and their
level of achievement.
Few people have total confidence in themselves at all times.
If they have it might suggest a lack of insight into their own
limitations. Rather it’s a matter of balance, a feeling
of inner-confidence leading to effective decision-making which
is preferred – freedom from being held back by self-doubt.
A person who is restricted by their fragile self-confidence will
particularly avoid anything new to them. There is quite simply
a fear of the unfamiliar and the unknown. In practical day-to-day
terms this will include delaying actions, to the point where they
may never get done. A person might be confident with familiar
work routines, but when a new challenge appears e.g. giving a
presentation to senior staff, they are overcome by the fear of
failure and hence suffer from lack of confidence in their ability.
Of course, this could limit their career progression and income
in a major way.
Most people who lack confidence are also self-conscious in that
they take an over- critical view of themselves. They believe -
often unconsciously - that whatever it is they would like to do
will somehow go wrong. It’s a pessimistic view which stops
them from trying new things. They might doubt their technical
skills say at work, or they may avoid a social situation which
means meeting new people. Their confidence level will vary, of
course, and be influenced by what they see as the potential downside
of their actions. As a result they will unconsciously draw ‘comfort
zones’ as a means of protection themselves from unpleasant
outcomes.
For example, the individual might avoid:
- Drawing attention to himself
- Speaking to a group of people
- Using the telephone
- Applying for promotion at work
- Learning new skills
- Asking someone they like for a date
- Starting a new project or hobby
- Meeting new people in unfamiliar circumstances
- Sitting an examination
- Travelling to unfamiliar places, and so on…
In all of these situations, and more, there is the possibility
of failure - or at least of something going wrong or suboptimal
performance. Often those who lack confidence set high standards
for themselves, sometimes to the level of perfection. They feel
they are not good enough and this puts a big brake of their actions.
They imagine failure, not success. They are oversensitive to what
other people might think about them, should they fail. All of
these unconscious and negative thoughts undermine their desires
and the cycle of fear and inaction is perpetuated. There can often
be a sense of frustration and guilt, too.
So lack of confidence can be a big barrier to our progress in
life. It can make us feel inadequate, incompetent and unworthy
of our place in society. None of these feelings make us happy,
quite the reverse.
Since much of the belief in ourselves arises from unconscious
memories, if we believe we can do something we probably can. Conversely,
if we believe we can’t we are probably right also. So the
appropriate level of positive belief is central to becoming confidence.
So many of our own unconscious beliefs, too, have been formed
in those impressionable years of youth.
How can hypnotherapy help to change the negative beliefs about
ourselves and hence raise our self-confidence?
Where the lack of confidence is related to a specific event e.g.
driving test or a single public speaking engagement, one or just
a few sessions of suggestion hypnosis can be very effective.
Should self-confidence be more generalised, and unconsciously
deep-rooted, then a long-term solution will be dependent on uncovering
and resolving the underlying cause. Hypnoanalysis is very effective
at clearing away those negative issues of the past, so the client
can then start to enjoy all aspects of their life with true confidence
– the sort of confidence that other people find attractive.
Life becomes exciting again, as it should be and is to those
who enjoy self-confidence!
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